Say, That's A Delicious Channel!

If you watched any television this past holiday weekend, then most of you in the Shaw Cable nation know of a recent addition to the "static channel" lineup with which Shaw has now blessed us. That means that we now have two, TWO awesome programs that basically involve sweet continuous, day-long loops of something benign and instills in us pleasant, nostalgic feelings of either warmth or hunger, depending on the holiday. Not content with their earthshattering Christmas fireplace show, they introduced Turkey TV.

The official press release from Shaw Cable is filled with standup comedy, highlighted by the following (bold added for effect):

"This Canadian only channel will only be available to Shaw subscribers will be able to tune in to Turkey TV on Thanksgiving Day for on-going coverage of exciting turkey action.

Turkey TV will offer continuous coverage of a beautiful, roasted turkey, surrounded by fresh greens, carrots and tomatoes in an open flame forno oven. Coverage will include up to the minute bastings and exclusive stoking of the fire that will be sure to keep viewers on the edge of their seats throughout this thrilling turkey program."

Excuse me? Have we become so zombified with television that the mere image of a turkey (and all the trimmings) is considered "exciting"? Sadly, yes. Since it's on TV, we'll watch it, and watch it intently. I even caught myself a couple of times staring wistfully at the slow roasted, golden brown bird from heaven. I don't think that I was on the edge of my seat for a 24-hour looped program, but I was sitting near the edge of my bed once. Granted, Shaw Cable is going to hype their non-programming to the fullest extent, but the unintentional comedy is quite amusing. Seriously though, let's not go nuts. I really hope that families didn't gather around the old Victrola and reminice about the time they had turkey together as a family. Maybe about 4 minutes ago. Or the previous day, it really doesn't matter. Putting stupid stuff on the TV isn't a Canadian cultural phenomenon; CBC been doing it for years.

But it goes on. To quote Peter Bissonnette, President, Shaw Communications:

"With Turkey TV, Shaw customers will experience Thanksgiving like never before," said Peter Bissonnette, President, Shaw Communications. "Turkey TV is a breakthrough in holiday programming and highlights Shaw's continued efforts to provide its customers only the finest in holiday television."

Yep, an almost static image of a turkey is truly a breakthrough. A massive, fucking breakthrough that's truly going to change the way we look at TV. Since the holiday theme is big, how about Jesus getting nailed to the cross at Easter? Hey, why stop at only holidays? A man digs a hole! A bird eats some crumbs! Motherfucking wheat in a field! All looped, all fucking day! YAY! Also, we viewers get even stupider. Hot dog. How amusing is it to hear that Shaw is dedicated to the "finest in holiday television"? IT'S A FUCKING LOOPED IMAGE OF A TURKEY. Still, it's better than "The War At Home". Eat it, Michael Rappaport.