Whiteboard Eye Candy

Whiteboards don't have to just display pie charts, bar graphs, or brainstorming session results! They can be used for artistic adventures, creative crusades and wonders of whimsy, as seen in the above animation. It's incredibly awesome, but maybe a little too awesome. I've actually become a little disappointed with my own lack of ingenuity after seeing this. Once, I made a raft out of popsicle sticks, but looking back on it, that pretty much sucked.

Props to Kristoferstrom for this one.

Set Your Faces To 'Stunned' - "Smokin' Aces" Trailer

Every so often, a studio will bestow upon the global community a trailer for an upcoming film so great and intense, that it runs the risk of overshadowing the film itself. I certainly hope that this film doesn't meet that fate.

Smokin' Aces revolves around a dying mob boss taking out a $1 million contract on the life of his former protégé, a Vegas magician turned gangster who has agreed to testify against the mob. The FBI attempts to protect their key witness as an array of hit men and women descend on Lake Tahoe in a race to take the magician out.

Directed by Joe Carnahan, who arguably is responsible for the career resurrection of Ray Liotta, this film reminds me of films by Guy Ritchie, when he wasn't being denigrated on a daily basis by his aging, yoga-sniffing, African baby buying wife. I certainly hope that this film can add to, or even progress the "cromedy" (crime-comedy) genre, much in the way films like True Romance , Pulp Fiction,The Limey or even Kiss Kiss Bang Bang improved on it.

Just mark January 26, 2007 on your calendars, and maybe four of your friend's. This is going to be a barn-burner. Guns.

Watch the movie trailer below, or watch it on this site, or in high-definition from this site (recommended is the 39 MB.)

Read My Other Post

I apologize for any long periods between posts on this site. Writing for two sites is hard, and yet somehow, I knew that. However, since I don't believe in copying myself, I will simply direct you to the other blog site for my latest rant. It's super easy - just put your mouse over this link and push the button! Yeah, do it!

http://www.thirtylives.com/wordpress/?p=77

Have a great one, everybody!

Fisher-Price Surrenders

Some toy companies are starting to understand.

Not every child is going to grow up to be doctors, lawyers, or business leaders. Not every child wants to practice his or her spelling proficiency, math abilities or reading and comprehension. Some kids just want to grow up and be just like their mommies and if they're lucky to know who he is, their daddies as well.

The truth is that there are some children in this world (I will guess mostly American children, but we Canadians aren't all bastions of proper child-rearing ourselves) that are going to fall short of the "ideal" future. Some kids will become victims of their environment, and will give in to temptations of drugs, cheap prostitutes, circus performing and of course, tattoos. Or, some kids will learn from their parent(s), and want to mimic those they look up to for guidance, knowledge and bottle-opening tricks. I am quite pleased to see that the good folks at Spin Master Toys have come up with a vessel for fostering the deviant direction that some kids will ultimately take. They've really tapped into what kids want, and they've created a kick-ass toy to get those kids prepared for adulthood, which will involve watching daytime infomercials and having multiple conditional prison sentences.

For the low price of only $14.99 (which would be 300 of dad or mom's beer cans), I present to you the GR8 TaT2 Maker (aka I-Tattoo). Now Junior or the little miss can be just like their heroes on the street corner by opening up their very own pretend play tattoo parlour! Just like the website selling the toy, etoys.com, states, this toy certainly is "childhood dreams delivered". What child hasn't dreamt of creating their own replica tattoos? With this device, every kid can get that gang sign inked on, or that skull-and-crossbones that will intimidate everyone in juvy. Oh, I wish I could see the looks on their faces when they create their very own barbed-wire arm band, or that tribal symbol that means nothing. Nothing will make Dad more proud like displaying his favourite Looney Tunes character along with a wife-beater tank-top just like his. And what better way to be just like Mom, than to take off your underwear and ink on an awesome Disney character. There's a Mother's Day moment to remember.

Nope, there's just nothing like a toy that really captures the innocence of youth. You know, Christmas is coming up! Why not get the GR8 TaT2 maker for that burgeoning young shoplifter in the family. Package that up with the "Lil' Thugz Likr" homemade malt liquor set, and the "Tykes Tobacco" how-to guide for rolling cigarettes, and you've got a holiday season for the ages.

I Have Now Doubled My Output Production, Suckas

Since I love writing and posting about anything and everything that I deem awesome and even awesomer in my world, there is another blog to which you can train your reading-balls to. It's going to rock your world, and probably any other worlds that are within spitting distance.

Thirtylives.com

What's the significance behind the name? You'll have to read to find out! Now, that doesn't give you an excuse to not find out, because you just have to click and read. Lazy bastard. Basically, it's a new blog with plenty of contributors, many of whom you'll be happy to meet, and even happier to stalk outside of their workplaces. Have fun! Reading is fun!

The Score: Winter - 1, Tyler - 0

Alas, Winter.

You have started a battle to which I will fight for as long as I breathe your fierce, piercing air. You know not of the passion to which I will maintain a battle, whether of wits or of fists. Know this, Winter: I will not quit until I have laid upon you great pain and anguish and damage amounting to roughly somewhere between $3,000 and $4,000.

There I was, driving northbound on Groat Road, enjoying some excellent Wolf Parade (loud and clapped-along with, naturally), and attempting to shake off a most excellent hangover from the night previous. You must believe that I was completely aware of the terrible driving conditions that I had embarked upon. Winter had made its move early in the night, and still had its hand on the piece come morning. However, my trust, albeit in hindsight, rather misguided, was placed squarely on the four stalwart sandbags placed carefully over my rear axle. Indeed, it would seem that my own hubris was accumulating faster than the blanket of white covering the City of Champions.

Groat Road is not to be traveled nor taken lightly, as I can attest from years of traversing it's serpentine body. It exploits with no discrimination. It can consume the hotshot douchebag riding the crotch-rocket, to the family of four in the Astro van, battling each other and threats of "turning this car right around". Perhaps I did not exhibit the kind of respect Groat deserves, but I certainly didn't give Winter its due. Mea culpa.

Everyone says that they have a small moment of panic when they first get the feeling of control lost. Granted, I may have felt a little bit of it, but when you drive a rear-wheeled truck, losing control in fresh snow sort of comes with the territory. I didn't compensate enough, I compensated too much. Either way, it's a moot point now. Winter decided that it was my turn to have my ride sidelined, and for a price. As I slammed into the centre meridian wall, I immediately uttered the one indisputable retort: "Aw, C'MON!". Perhaps not as terse as an obscenity, but had there been a Michael in the car with me, I would have been quite pleased to have referenced Arrested Development in such a circumstance. After getting to the emergency turnout, I thanked somebody, something, for allowing me to collide with only myself, and not anyone else traveling. Also, much thanks to the gentleman who inquired about my status. Applause for you, kind sir.

When the dust has settled, my insurance company will be hit for over 3Gs, and my pride will have taken a bit of a nock. But Winter, the truck can be fixed, my confidence will return, and I will embark on a campaign of retaliation towards you. I feel the sudden need to alleviate my bladder, and your precious, white snow seems an adequate canvas. Crude, but it's a start.

Pointless Nostalgia - Part Three

The 80's Movie Montage: Lost art, or relic of the neon age?

There are some things that just aren't done anymore. Throwing away Styrofoam containers. Having anything in Styrofoam at all. Giving away regular-sized candy at Halloween. Making an awesome movie montage, complete with kick-ass synth-pop music with smokin' hot lyrics. I certainly miss all of these, but the one that I yearn for the most, the one that I dream about, and secretly ask for when I get the big piece of the wishbone, is the return of the movie montage. Specifically, the 80's movie montage. The 80's montage is a glorious use of celluloid, pure magical genius of light, sound and spandex. In short, it's an infinite amount of brilliance thrown into a awesome-making machine and set on "ice crush". Forever!

For those of you not hip to what a montage is, a montage sequence is a film technique wherein the film needs to show a large-scale process or a lengthy period. Instead of showing this process in it's entirety, brief portions, along with titles and images, can be joined by dissolves (transitions between two shots) and music to compress the lengthy series of actions into a few moments.

The key to the 80's montage is the music. Filmmakers of today are extremely lazy. An editor today will simply find some crap-tacular song in their iPOD that's completely ignorable, or they will attack the Top-40 list of the moment, and hijack whatever's "hot" that very second. The result? An unmemorable sequence in the film that nobody cares about, unless it involves nudity. Now, the 80's montage, it had fucking creativity. Editors and directors of that era would actually find a song that coincided with the actions/themes/characters of the movie. If they couldn't find one, they would commission songwriters and shitty artists to record one. That's dedication to the genre.

Here's some awesome examples of the 80's montage, all of which are pure cinematic gold. Treasure them with all your heart!

Monster Squad - 1987 (Editor: James Mitchell)

Just killer! Listen carefully to the lyrics. "Rock until you drop. Dance until your heart stops". That really hits the nail on the head, doesn't it? Disregard that the song is about clubbing, and these kids are 6-13 years old. It's irrelevant. In this sequence, these kids must equip their stalwart group with everything they need to defeat the monsters. And monsters don't like business cards. Seriously, I read that.

Here's another, more subtle montage:

The Wizard - 1989 (Editor: Tom Finan)

"I live by the groove. If I can't hear it baby, how can I move?". Wow. Those lyrics speak right to the urgency of the situation. Jimmy Woods has to get ready for the Nintendo Championships, so naturally the song reflects his need to "get in the groove". I'm still in awe of this song, and of the killer game action!

Now the montage doesn't have to be well into the film, or inserted only as an easy way to complete some tasks for the main characters. Sometimes it can be at the very beginning! Peep this:

Rad - 1986 (Editor: Carl Kress)

"Getting ready to break the ice! Feels like time is standing still". I love it! BMX racing and stunts are all about breaking the ice, and I can honestly say that only you can break the ice inside of me. That's right, only you. The quick stunts are just the thing to get the audience in a tizzy, and the Cochrane/Calgary backdrops really strike a chord.

Lastly, the mother of all 80's montages. This montage is everything. It's a saint. It's Mother Teresa. It's Elvis. It's God.

Rocky IV - 1985 (Editor - James R. Symons)

"Hearts on fire, strong desire, raises deep within". This is the greatest film moment in the history of film. Stallone. Lundgren. Training. Talia Shire nodding her approval. Synth power. Hearts on fire everywhere. This sequence leaves me breathles and wanting more wood chopping. Simply perfection.

Keep an eye out for movie montages! Create a drinking game around them! It's fun, even alone!

Face-Melting Music Video - Wednesday Edition

RÖYKSOPP - Remind Me

Granted, this song is from the "Melody A.M." album from 2002, but it's a prime example of how music videos should be, that is, relevant and have the power to be utterly awesome. With the death of the radio star in 1981 (the first year of music videos in the true form), a path had been paved for dipshits in bands everywhere and the opportunity had arisen for these individuals to gather up their dad's video camera and freak out in glorious moving picture and sound.

This video is a testament to those dipshits.