Sunday, November 19, 2006

Fisher-Price Surrenders

Some toy companies are starting to understand.

Not every child is going to grow up to be doctors, lawyers, or business leaders. Not every child wants to practice his or her spelling proficiency, math abilities or reading and comprehension. Some kids just want to grow up and be just like their mommies and if they're lucky to know who he is, their daddies as well.

The truth is that there are some children in this world (I will guess mostly American children, but we Canadians aren't all bastions of proper child-rearing ourselves) that are going to fall short of the "ideal" future. Some kids will become victims of their environment, and will give in to temptations of drugs, cheap prostitutes, circus performing and of course, tattoos. Or, some kids will learn from their parent(s), and want to mimic those they look up to for guidance, knowledge and bottle-opening tricks. I am quite pleased to see that the good folks at Spin Master Toys have come up with a vessel for fostering the deviant direction that some kids will ultimately take. They've really tapped into what kids want, and they've created a kick-ass toy to get those kids prepared for adulthood, which will involve watching daytime infomercials and having multiple conditional prison sentences.

For the low price of only $14.99 (which would be 300 of dad or mom's beer cans), I present to you the GR8 TaT2 Maker (aka I-Tattoo). Now Junior or the little miss can be just like their heroes on the street corner by opening up their very own pretend play tattoo parlour! Just like the website selling the toy,, states, this toy certainly is "childhood dreams delivered". What child hasn't dreamt of creating their own replica tattoos? With this device, every kid can get that gang sign inked on, or that skull-and-crossbones that will intimidate everyone in juvy. Oh, I wish I could see the looks on their faces when they create their very own barbed-wire arm band, or that tribal symbol that means nothing. Nothing will make Dad more proud like displaying his favourite Looney Tunes character along with a wife-beater tank-top just like his. And what better way to be just like Mom, than to take off your underwear and ink on an awesome Disney character. There's a Mother's Day moment to remember.

Nope, there's just nothing like a toy that really captures the innocence of youth. You know, Christmas is coming up! Why not get the GR8 TaT2 maker for that burgeoning young shoplifter in the family. Package that up with the "Lil' Thugz Likr" homemade malt liquor set, and the "Tykes Tobacco" how-to guide for rolling cigarettes, and you've got a holiday season for the ages.


Allie said...

I have another Toy pet peave! The kids I work with want toy vaccuums and kitchen sets so they can wash dishes. What the hell, if they want to vaccuum, we have a seper cool real one they can use, just go at her!

Allie said...

my misspelled word "seper" is supposed to be SUPER. Yes i know i have terrible spelling and typing!

Anonymous said...

Wow, Why don't you just go out and start killing minorities while you're waiting for Jesus to come back you ignorant/arrogant fuck. What a close minded dipshit. Go fuck yourself!