She's Gonna Be Alright

My girl is finally getting the help she needs.

After more than two months, my truck is in the shop, getting the "extreme makeover" that she most desperately needs. I could still drive it and all after the "incident" (see post November 14), but I owe it to her to keep her looking sleek, sexy and ready for anything. I kind of roughed her up a bit back in November, and frankly, I got tired of getting those looks from people. You know, that look of reserved disgust, saved for wife-beaters and people who throw garbage in recycle containers. I might be able to withstand the common sneer from some meathead, or the turned-up nose from the old bluehair at the grocery store, but she should have never had to endure the pain I caused.

I'm sorry again, Ranger. You're a good girl. Yeah, you are.

All will be forgiven soon, but I have a message to those of you who might not respect our winter season up here in Sledmonton: Don't think that because you've lived here for a couple of years, or maybe your whole life, that you can pull a fast one on the Winter. Oh sure, you'll drive slow here and there, or you may sandbag up your car's ass, but eventually, you'll see some apparently dry road, or it might be +5 out there. And then you go and put your stupid suit on. You know that suit. Usually, it's a full-bodied pantsuit with accompanying jacket. And it's bright green. Also, it's covered in stupid.

Just take it easy out there. Be alert, take precautions, don't drive when you don't need to, and for fuck's sakes, put down the fucking phone. Keep the stupid suit in the closet, and bring it out when you need it the most. Like at stag parties, family reunions, and your kid's 7th birthday party.

Just don't be like these folks, and learn a lesson in futility.