The Simpsons Movie - It Was The Blurst Of Times

I have finally seen it.

Those who know me well have probably just balked at the very fact that it took me until Tuesday evening to finally see "The Simpsons Movie". I had things to do this past weekend, alright? I did see it in its first week, so that should count just the same. If they had read a previous post on this movie, perhaps they'd understand the reasons why I didn't line up for it on opening day. They always say that they read my blog, but they don't, and I know it. I'm not an idiot.

What can I say about the movie? I can say this: I didn't hate it.

But did I really enjoy it? I admit, that some parts of it had me laughing aloud, but for the large majority of the film, I sat there and just absorbed. I knew what lines and sight gags were attempts at being humorous, but I just didn't laugh out right. Unlike the 3 gentlemen behind me, who I believe have not seen one episode in their lives, because in every single scene, they laughed. Not just laughed, actually. They guffawed. And quite annoyingly, mind you. Even at the very beginning, with the title card for 20th Century Fox, and Ralph Wiggum sings along (which every person should have seen 50 times by now on the TV spots), they burst out in uncontrollable laughter. However, this did provide the most comical exchange of the night, which was a shame that it had to be before the movie:

(Ralph sings along with the "da-da-da-daaaa" of the 20th Century Fox theme)

Stupid Ass Guy: "That's the funniest part of the movie! (he's not joking)
Me: (turning to face the guy) "I guess you can leave then."

I mention that I believe that the three morons have not seen one TV episode, because anyone that has seen the episodes as many times as I have (specifically Seasons 4-8), and truly appreciates the genius that it once was, will note that the movie had it moments, but otherwise just wasn't up to snuff. Hell, even if you've only seen 50 of the good ones, you'd see that it was mediocre at best. If you think "According To Jim" is the height of comedy, you'll laugh your ass off. You're also a fucking moron. All said, the movie, will make you smile, but it will not be memorable later. Which is really disappointing, to be honest. Consider the writers of the screenplay for this movie:

Matt Groening
James L. Brooks
Joel Cohen (consultant writer)
John Frink (consultant writer)
Al Jean
Tim Long (consultant writer)
Ian Maxtone-Graham
George Meyer
David Mirkin
Michael Price (consultant writer)
Mike Reiss
Mike Scully
Matt Selman
John Swartzwelder
Jon Vitti

15 fucking writers and consultants. FIFTEEN! I am shocked. Some of these writers wrote the funniest, most original episodes of the series. Together, they created 87 minutes of simplistic, ho-hum mainstream "comedy". Believe me, "SpiderPig" is not funny.

I can take solace in this fact: That the great episodes will live on forever in our hearts and minds. This movie will end up clogging the previously viewed bins at the store.

*DAY AFTER UPDATE:

I just re-read what I wrote last night, and it comes off a little jaded and bitter, maybe too much for a cartoon movie. But please understand that this show has indundated every part of my being for almost two decades. On a medium as large as film, I would have hoped that the effort would have been a little better, especially with as much writing talent assembled.

There were things that I really did like though! Example, the voice talent of Albert Brooks, who voiced the "villian" Russ Cargill. Mr. Brooks has voiced some of the most comedic and well-written characters on The Simpsons, including Jacques (ep.#7G11), Brad Goodman (ep.#1F05), Hank Scorpio (ep.#3F23) and Tab Spangler (ep.#GABF11).

That's The Opposite Of What Is Good

Required viewing. Watch, learn, never, ever attempt.

Better Not Bring Your Kids

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• fucking (3x)
• sexy (2x)
• death (1x)

Happy First Birthday Rhymes With Tyler!

Hey!

It's the first anniversary of my blog!

One year ago, I set out to create the most outlandish, spectacular, mindgasmic blogging experience this planet had ever seen!

Unfortunately, it turned out a little different, and has become a soap box for sad remniniscing and sarcastic posturing. A pop culture wasteland, if you will.

However, it makes me happy. So there.

I'll keep writing about the things I see, either in my dreams, memories, or outside my apartment window. This year, my articles are going to be bigger, better, even more sarcastic and about even more obscure shit! Get excited! Get excited now!

New Simpsons Character Revealed!

Yeah, it's me!

Since I'm not doing anything really constructive at the moment, and I've finished my leftover Pizza Slut pizza (now with Mystery Pepperoni!), I've been scouring the interweb for some quick fun. And boy did I find some! The Simpsons Movie website has a fun little activity where you can create your own Simpsons avatar. It's every fan's dream!

The Simpsons Movie is opening in just a couple weeks (July 27), and because I have been a Simpsons lunatic since I began watching it in 1990, I will be there on opening day, anticipating the worst. I say the worst, because The Simpsons has been on a slow, steady, painful decline in quality since Season 10. This fall, the show will enter it's 19th season, which means we've had to put up with 9 seasons of crap. The show jumped the shark back in Season 10, with an episode entitled "The Principal And The Pauper", and hasn't looked back. It's continued on with episode after episode of pure banality and inispid writing.

That doesn't mean I won't watch every show and not continue to like it, but I'll take pleasure in the fact that I can reminisce about the good days, and pity the kids of today.

"Canadaaaaaa! Wooooooo!

Red and white colours splash the streets and business fronts. The hot July night is thick and sticky, with the combined smell of alcohol and sweat permeating every intersection.

As I walk the strip, I am greeted by throngs of revelers, each proclaiming their allegiance to our great nation, some while standing, some walking, some trying a combinaton of both. And some are just trying to stay vertical for a few more minutes, so they can find a suitable place to throw up.

Ahead of me, I hear a very heartfelt and endearing cry from some random Whyte Ave drunkard. His declaration encapsulates all that's great about our nation's birthday. You my friend, are this country's greatest living hero. And yes, I will give you a high-five. The most patriotic high-five I can muster. "Woo" is right sir, "woo" is right.

Another Canada Day has come and gone, like so much of the beer and liquor consumed by me and countless others. We drank, we sang, we stumbled back to our domiciles, happy in the fact that we survived yet another celebration of freedom. We drink, and yell and see live music because we can. I am extremely proud of this nation and our wide variety of confection items, and to that, I will drink every Canada Day, and really celebrate what makes this nation the tops in the world. Nay, tops in the fucking universe.

Have a great July 2 everyone!