Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Luck


I think that I'm plagued by bad luck. Not rotten luck, per se, but definitely luck behaving badly in my name. I won't get into the details on why I think so, or how, but let's just say that there are situations that I've found myself in that I can only attribute to a sour turn of chance, a spoiled bounce, i.e., bad fucking luck. And it's all my fault.

There are many forms of luck, depending on the way that you look at it. You may look at luck as a lack of control, wherein luck is beyond a person's control. You may look at luck as an essence, where luck can be influenced through spiritual means by performing certain rituals or by avoiding certain circumstances. Luck can be attributed to a placebo, in that people can attribute luck to escape personal responsibility.

For me, I take luck personally. I tend to think that bad luck (or good luck) happens to me because of something I did/didn't do, or will do/won't do. I take a rationalist approach to luck, because I believe that there is something inherently personal to "luck", either good or bad. I know now that my own personal luck cannot simply be a product of wishful thinking. It just can't. Not with the experiences that I've undertaken in my life. Using rational thinking, I don't think luck just "happens". I think that sometimes one tends to believe they're unlucky, simply because luck hasn't turned for the good for them by some way shape or form. I cannot believe in that anymore.

Recent events have come to pass that have altered my own view of luck and its influence on me. I used to think that the things that happened to me were just "bad luck" and I had no control over when or where they happened (a lack of control, as it were. Very easy to accept). But was that really the case? I can look back on those instances where I assumed no responsibility and thought, "it just wasn't meant to be. I just have some bad luck". Now, to that I say "Fuck that".

I can think of numerous examples where I've thought, "well, I suppose that didn't happen because of my own bad luck". Which now, as I've pondered about it, wasn't true at all. Things haven't happened because I haven't put myself into positions that would change the outcome of events in my favour. Example, if you were to get into a car accident, you could argue that it's just bad luck. But if you were driving in a method that's conducive to accidents, but you didn't realize it, would it still be bad luck? Probably not. You'd be a victim to probability, not bad luck. That's where I see myself. I haven't put myself in that favourable position. I've just moaned and lamented the factor of bad luck, condemning myself to the same stupid choices and actions.

So what's the point of this rambling?

Basically, the bad luck is yours if you read all the way to this point.

I just needed to rant some. Is that so bad?

**DAY AFTER UPDATE

Geez, what a whiner.

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