Who's Watching The Watchmen?

In a few hours, I will be watching the 'Watchmen'. And I hate the fact that I've had to wait so long to see this film. I just hate time so much.

As a big fan of the graphic novel that made it's debut in 12 issues between 1986 and 1987, I have been looking forward to this film like any other average fan. I haven't been sleeping well. I haven't really been eating (that might set me apart from a lot of fans, actually. A lot of fans are fat.). I've been thinking about this film, the characters, the script, the directing, whether or not the craft services were good, if the grips did their jobs well, if I can make any good Halloween costumes from this, etc., etc. Basically, because of this film, I've been making myself stupid...more so than usual.

Back in July, I posted the first trailer for Watchmen, and I asked myself some very important questions. Questions like, "Will 'Watchmen' give me the same neural orgasm that '300' did? Will 'Watchmen' have the same grossly exaggerated amount of slow-motion scenes, possibly making the movie 6 1/2 hours long? Will I have to go to the bathroom during the middle of it, forcing me to contemplate whether or not I have to piss myself in order to avoid missing a single second? Will this film live up to the planet-crushing amount of hype?"

These questions will be answered tonight, especially the last and most important one. Now, I am not a rabid fanboy. I'm not a fan with such a distorted sense of entitlement and reality that I believe that every single moviemaker owes me because I bought a book. No, I haven't been blowing up the internets for the last year with my opinion about the film because I'm just a guy who likes films. However, I know when a film adaptation's been done right and when it's been done horribly wrong. The Dark Knight? Just wonderful. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? Baby vomit.

I do believe that certain films become victims to their own hype, and few actually rise above (see Dark Knight), but the common problem is that many films aren't that bad at all, they just succumb to the immense weight of the accumulated hype and impossible expectations of the rabid masses. Will 'Watchmen' rise above? Only time will tell.

Let's have a look at some other films that I've anxiously awaited night and day for, and how they fared in my opinion.

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999): I waited years for the first episode of Star Wars, and I nearly killed someone in rage after seeing it. Okay, it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't good. Jar Jar Binks ruined two generations of fans who loved the 'Wars, and George Lucas proved that he wasn't the Midas of the film world.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001), The Two Towers (2002) and The Return of the King (2003): As a long-time fan of the books I started reading at an early age, I was on the verge of having a nervous breakdown before each film of the trilogy came out, and nearly died from anticipation for the next. After "King" came out, I went through a small bit of film depression because there were no films to look forward to. Were they worth it? You bet your sweet ass they were. Jar Jar Binks isn't going to win a fucking Best Picture Oscar, is he? IS HE?

Sin City (2005): I'm really into the graphic novel adapations, so upon hearing that they were making this series into a film back in 2004, I nearly went into a catatonic state. Lucky for me, I'm not that fucked up. I saw it four times in the theatres, I have two copies of the DVD, and I dressed as "Kevin" for Halloween that year. Yeah, I'd say it was pretty good in my eyes.

Transformers (2007): If there's any film that has had more hype and buildup than this film, I've yet to see it. My generation, that is, the generation that grew up with the Transformers cartoons, had all the action figures and slept with Transformers bedsheets, were merciless in our demands for this film. It had to be absolutely perfect and it couldn't mess with our beloved childhood memories (because I'm sure there'd be dork riots if it did, right?). After getting all stupid over this film up until its release date, I found that afterwards, I was just content. Nobody fucked it up that badly, but it wasn't going to make me buy new sheets.

Speed Racer (2008): I was getting my face set for stunned for this film. I wrote about the trailer giving me wet dreams in high-definition colour and sound, and I couldn't believe that directors as weird and talented as the Wachowski brothers were helming the ship on this one. I mean, this was fucking Speed Racer! I cursed the fact that time was in my way of seeing this movie.

Funny thing, is that I actually didn't see Speed Racer. And haven't seen it. Oops.