I'd like to introduce a new feature here on Rhymes With Tyler - True Patriot Love. Each feature of TPL will focus on a piece of pop culture history that's purely Canadian, or at least has a strong Canadian tie. From The Raccoons and Canada Dry Cranberry Ginger Ale, to Test Pattern and Video & Arcade Top Ten, I'll be writing about true pop culture Canadiana. Which is basically whatever I watched on Canadian TV or ate in my formative pop culture years (1985-1996). Truth be told, I always get a sense of patriotic pride whenever I see or read about these things, and I'm hoping so will you.I wrote a pilot article last July entitled "That's Enough Already, K-Tel", which was my rant about K-Tel, the Canadian record compilation and shitty product peddling giant. K-Tel pretty much ran a monopoly on record compilations from the 1970's on, churning out album after album with no regard for human auditory misery. Their iron grip on the industry loosened a bit with the efforts of one man. Nay, one incredibly awesome British DJ! Chris Sheppard!
Alright, he wasn't actually a Brit, but damn if his fake accent didn't throw you off. Chris Sheppard was actually a leading figure in the Canadian dance music scene from the 80's to the end of the 90's, and he was an omnipresent force in the record industry in this country. I mean, it seemed for a while that there wasn't a week that went by that didn't have a new Chris Sheppard complation album come out. Destination Dance Floor, Club Cutz, Groove Station and my personal favourite, Pirate Radio Sessions. All with volumes 1 through a fucking billion. Every time I'd watch MuchMusic, there he'd be in the commercial break, with some new album we just had to buy, or else. After a while, it just got sad. I could almost predict the next commercial would be him saying something like "Chris Sheppard's Bunch of Tunes with Annoying Bass Lines and Stupid Chicks Singing The Same Shitty Chorus! Volume 32! Buy my album! I'm living in a trailer!" This commercial is the icing on the cake - Chris Sheppard in his heyday. I can't believe that he stated, without hyperbole, that that particular compilation is the best compilation in music history! Craaaaaazy! It did have The Real McCoy on it, I suppose.
Seriously, though, what was up with that accent? Years have gone by, and all I can think about when someone says "Hey dork, remember Chris Sheppard?", is his accent. Check out this video, and then this one. Did he honestly have that accent for his "persona"? People hate it when other people talk in accents that suck, for no reason other than to get attention, or that it makes them laugh. I used to work with a guy who'd start talking in some shitty British-Scottish-Douche mix, and I honestly wanted him to fall into a vat of corrosive industrial chemicals. Kind of like the chemicals the Joker fell into, but instead of creating a criminal mastermind, they'd just disinegrate skin and bone. Nobody EVER likes a fake accent. Faking a Swedish accent to make fun of customers in IKEA? Ok, sure. Faking an obnoxious French accent at a party with cute girls? No dice, moron.
Chris Sheppard has since retired and is living in Toronto, but even though I never bought or listened to any of his albums, be it a compilation, a BKS or Love Inc. album, he has a place in true pop culture Canadiana. For his stupid accent, his mind-numbing albums and that annoying "Broken Bones" song I had to hear 8 billion times at the bar, Chris Sheppard, you have earned some True Patriot Love.
1 comment:
I used to listen to his radio show on my long commute home in Toronto. I was always irritated by his inflection and Shatnerian phrasing more than his 'accent'. It sounded like he was always out of breath or on the can. He would stop mid-word to breathe before continuing to his point, which was always inane.
"You're listening to Chris Sheppard's ra.. dio dance par taaay"
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