Recently, I cast off the shackles of the oppressive family, and moved into my own apartment. After reading that one sentence, I know that you're thinking two things: 1) He moved out now? At 26? What a tool! and 2) 26! Ha! What a man-baby.
I can completely understand those two trains of thought, considering yes, I am 26 (but closer to 27 now), and yes, I have a full-time job. But all of you haters can just shut the fuck up for two seconds and let me explain. First off, I haven't always lived with my family. From 2000-early 2004 I lived either by myself or with roommates. Second, I did move back in with the family because it was easy, and I was still "in school". When I left school, I didn't jump right back out there, because I either didn't feel it was the right time, or I wanted to wait until it was financially feasible. I took a lot of unwarranted shit over that time from people, friends or otherwise, and I didn't care. I don't make decisions based on what people think, I make decisions for me. ME. Get it? Good.
Now that we've come to an understanding, let's get to the meat. The top eleven reasons why living on my own gets big-ups, and living say, in a cardboard box, is shitty. There's eleven points, because this list goes to eleven. It's just that fucking RAD.
11) I buy my own groceries, any time I want. Pizza Pops? Sure. Tater Gems? You bet? Sodalicious? Do they even sell those anymore? Because if they do, you darn well know they're going in the cart.
10) Cleaning is performed based on necessity, not on a regular schedule. Oh, you can see some dust? Well, I can't. Until I can, Mr. Clean stays in his house. Don't worry about him, under the sink is a party, believe me.
9) One plate, one bowl, one set of utensils. Sure, I bought more, but it just seems that I always use just one. Hell, I could actually just eat out of the pot or pan. I just saved myself that plate. No fuss, no muss.
8) If something is missing from the fridge, I know I took it. Where did all the beer and leftover pizza go? Why is there a shoe and a note left in its place? What happened to me last night?
7) The door never has to be closed during any bathroom activities. This is good for showers, because then I don't have to do that stupid towel wave in front of the mirror to clear the fog off. Plus, I love that cold breeze after I get out, it's refreshing!
6) I don't have to hear any family or roommate issues/arguments. I don't have to hear that your dad can't show you affection, or that Grandma is having bowel troubles. In my apartment, try to keep your topics of conversation to pop-culture between 1985-1996.
5) Friends can visit whenever they want. Just bring me some kind of treat.
4) Frolicking, capering, cavorting, sitting and staring. I could never do these things at home.
3) All Tyler's movies, all the time. Oh, you don't like "Kung-Fu Hustle"? Too damn bad. We're watching that, then "Logan's Run", and then just for the hell of it, "Clash Of The Titans".
2) Pants off when I arrive, pants on when I leave. There's no reason to really wear any clothes at all when I'm at home. Who I am supposed to impress? Myself? I've seen what I'm made of and I'm pretty indifferent.
1) The Girls. I can close my bedroom door all the way, and there's never any "checking up" from the folks. It's everything I've ever wanted.
1 comment:
One of my favourite posts hahah
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